Choose a passage (at least four sentences long) from your original fairy tale and rewrite the passage so that each sentence is a simple sentence. Then, write an analytical paragraph exploring how this change to sentence structure changes the meaning of the passage.
As always, be sure to prioritize your ideas (not summary) and provide specific textual evidence in support of your ideas. Continue to practice varying your sentence structure.
Nick Williamson
ReplyDelete11/28/16
Conrad was friendly to the people. Conrad met many people from the town. The town's people shared sightings of the dragon. A man named Abelard entered the bar and stared at Conrad. Abelard recognized Conrad right away. Abelard bought Conrad a drink.
They became friends when Landon moved into Popknox. They had been hanging out ever since. They had also been playing board games ever since. Jerome had one secret he never told Landon. He had a special fondness for Campbell's Creamy Chicken Soup.
ReplyDeleteBy making all the sentences inside my chosen passage simple, the style of the writer is drastically changed. At first, any types of sentences are available to be used, but once you can only use simple sentences, the passage seems like it is written very simply, plainly, and without much transition. If I read a story with only simple sentences, I would assume that the person writing does not have the best writing skills. Variation is always key in writing.
ReplyDeleteThe tree sat in the middle of a vast open plain. It was covered in grass. There was a small creek splitting it in half. To the north, a mountainous precipice rose from the plain. There sat a dark cave where the big animals lived.
Changing all of my sentences to simple sentences changes the style of the passage. It gives off a sense of inexperience and simplicity. The simple sentences make the passage much more choppy whereas the complex, inverted, compound-complex etc. makes the passage flow. It also makes one sound more intellectual and capable. Whereas the simple sentences seem as if one can not write better sentences.
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ReplyDeleteHe set out to make himself a new home. At first it was hard to survive. His only experience was through books and voyage logs. He eventually found an ancient jump-ship. He knew he could fix it. He worked on it day in and day out. On the seventh day he had finally fixed it.
ReplyDeleteHaving to change every sentence to a simpler style completely changed the flow from sentence to sentence. Instead of an easily flowing paragraph, it became a basic, unsophisticated wall of text with repetitive sentence configuration.
For example, "He eventually found an ancient jump-ship. He knew he could fix it. He worked on it day in and day out."
If I read this, I would believe that the writer was untrained and quite dull. It has no passion nor does it have anything to keep the reader interested. Reading is not fun if it has no feeling of life and color.
The Prince finally arrives to town. He comes adorned in a dark red suit with gold lining. Under his blonde hair, he has piercing dark green eyes. They twinkle in the light. The Princess waves to him. He does not wave back.
ReplyDeleteChanging all the sentences to simple sentences results in the paragraph consisting less of a flow. This is because one sentence can only complete one thought, making it difficult to connect two ideas together. This also results in the changing of the tone for the paragraph. If the last part of the passage was joint to create a compound sentence, the end of the passage would be less dramatic and not as sudden. Having four simple sentences together also results in a lack of complexity. This leaves for a very basic writing style that could be considered childish. Overall, it's better to have variety of sentence structures to create a better written story.
The Prince was being stubborn. He tried to persuade Stella to let him help her. Stella then pulled the prince down the ivy. The all reached the ground unharmed. The Prince was still jabbering away.
ReplyDeleteThe change in sentence structure not only ‘dumbs down’ the sentences, and almost eliminates all literary imagery, but also completely changes the passage. Through this exercise, all of my literary imagery and adjectives vanished, leaving the passage hard to understand and without much context. In addition, it almost completely changes the meaning of the passage. One example of this is when the passage reads, “Stella’s parents soon followed, and they eventually reached the ground unharmed, the Prince still jabbering away about his chivalry.” turns into the simple sentence “The all reached the ground unharmed.” It changes the passage because in a sense it almost leaves the reader hanging. It leaves te reader asking questions like; what is he jabbering away about? how did they get to the ground? etc. Another problem that I encountered in this exercise was a lack of fluidity. There are no transitions and you could say that this passage reads in a very staccato manner. Finally, converting my sentences to this format gave the passage a very inexperienced feel. It read like someone was trying to use as little detail as possible when they wrote it.
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ReplyDeleteShe thought about their dinner the whole day. It was finally dark outside. Amelia took a taxi over to Balthazar. She arrived.
ReplyDeleteThe jump from having alternating sentence structures to strictly using simple sentences had a massive effect on my story and overall flow of the passage. Not only did it sound incredibly choppy and awkward, but it barely gave the reader an image of what was going on. When varied sentence structures are used, more context and detail is provided which makes the story flow, whereas simple sentences keep the depth of the story stuck in a monotonous pattern and tone.
Garfield darted through the jungle. Garfield stopped to catch his breath. Once he stopped to catch his breath, he realized he was on his own. Garfield found a little cave where he slept for the night. Garfield was awoken by the clucking of chickens.
ReplyDeleteThis was very strange since, the way I wrote the sentences originally did not make the story flow better as simple sentences. I had to leave out key details in order to make the sentences simple sentences.
Butterscotch lay in the sun. She spread out. She melted everywhere. This is where she got her name.
ReplyDeleteThis passage becomes unbearable when it is written with simple sentences. It doesn't change the general meaning very much, but it gets rid of many juicy details. You lose a portion of the meaning. One example is the sentence "she melted everywhere" it started out as a great descriptive sentence that told us a lot about butterscotch's favorite spots and was a funny joke. It became a simple, non-descriptive and non-funny sentence. This is one reason why we need more types of sentences.