As always, this analytical paragraph should observe the same conventions and structures of the analytical paragraphs in your modified essays, including a topic sentence, direct textual evidence, contestable claims, and explanations linking evidence to ideas.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
It's So Abstract
Rewrite your Paw Print passage so that all of the nouns are abstract nouns. Then, write an analytical paragraph in which you explore how this change affects the style of the passage and the meanings that it conveys to its readers. How is it different from the original passage? How does it change the author's voice? How does it change the ideas she is conveying?
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ReplyDeleteIf you've had the occasion to use a despair on the fate in the last several loves, childhood have probably noticed the "Charity" hanging over the brilliance. There are several, and Charity cover everything from liberty and knowledge to jokes and satire. What's more, charity entirely misery generated and although most content leans toward a satirically cynical view fate life, they offer a valuable hope of expression for the student body.
Changing all nouns to abstract nouns create a paragraph that makes little sense and does not convey the authors idea. In the quote “If you’ve had the occasion to use a despair on the fate in the last several loves..” it is clear that the quote does not make sense, grammatically and comprehension wise. “to use a despair” is not grammatically correct because you can not use "a despair” simply because it is to a tangible thing. Despair is abstract and can not be "used". It also no longer convey the original thought. Originally it was meant to talk about the stall-street journal and other “newspapers” that hand on the doors in the bathrooms. But now it just sounds like jumbled words with no message. The quote “covers everything from liberty and knowledge to jokes and satire.” make more sense than the previous one. Here the quote makes grammatical and literal sense but the message is different. The words “knowledge” and “liberty” were originally news and announcements. The new words although good things to talk about were not what the author intended.
“Magee’s genuine passion for softball is apparent among her coaches and teammates. She constantly asks questions in an attempt to improve her own game, while at the same time actively looking to help others hone their skills as well. On a team with only two upperclassmen, Magee’s experience and guidance have helped the underclassmen transition to the varsity level of play” (Yu).
ReplyDeleteLeadership’s genuine passion for camaraderie is apparent among her wisdom and friendship. She constantly asks curiosity in a hope to improve her own integrity, while at the same actively looking to help familiarity hone their intelligence as well. On a trust with only two knowledge, Leadership’s insight and guidance have helped the inexperienced transition to the varsity achievement of comprehension.
When converting the nouns in an article written by the Paw Print to abstract nouns the article becomes hard to comprehend and has a completely different message. In this article, Carson Yu is speaking about Maddie Magee’s incredible leadership and contributions to the softball team. However, when all of the nouns are converted to abstract nouns the article becomes difficult to read and unclear. An example of that change is apparent in the transition from “Magee’s genuine passion for softball is apparent among her coaches and teammates” to the less coherent “Leadership’s genuine passion for camaraderie is apparent among her wisdom and friendship.” This transition illustrates how the use of abstract nouns, in the place of regular nouns, jumbles the message. Abstract nouns are frequently open to personal interpretation. Their use in this article leaves the reader with an unclear understanding of what the author is trying to convey. An example of this confusion is visible when we compare the phrases; “her coaches and teammates” to “her wisdom and friendship.” In the original text, the reader has a clear understanding of who is being spoken about, and in what context. However, after the adaptation, the reader has to discern what the author means when using vague terms like “wisdom” and “friendship”. In the new style, the article lacks specificity and becomes almost unreadable.
In the past, when the occasion never happened, my childhood started eyeing my movement. After past of prodding and a visit to an adulthood, the blame for my smallness landed firmly on one idea I never wanted to define myself with: information. It was sever enough to cause discomfort and require life alterations and shave inflation off my ability and made me curse my luck, the same luck that made it so severe as to require enhancement.
ReplyDeleteChanging Shivani's Paw Print article’s nouns into abstract nouns made the passage more confusion and to a point nonsensical. I choose a passage the Life Lines section titled “Creative writing: Firecracker” by Shivani. In this article, Shivani vividly explains her experiences with scoliosis, and how at first she saw it as a curse, but then later understood, it was part of her. On the other hand, when modifying the paragraph and swapping all nouns to abstract nouns the paragraph became confusing and lost its meaning. One example of the paragraph losing its meaning is in the middle of the passage when Shivani is describing her diagnosis. At first, the passage was, “After hours of prodding and a visit to an orthopedic surgeon, the blame for my smallness landed firmly on two words I never wanted to define myself with: idiopathic scoliosis,” (Chatterjee, 9). Shivani's sentence was able to actually convey her emotion that Shivina was feeling. In this manner, this sentence is a well written and accurately stated the situation. For example, the nouns such as “orthopedic surgeon” and “idiopathic scoliosis” are specific nouns that explain the situation. On the other hand, when I changed the nouns with abstract nouns, the passage lost its meaning. This revised passage was, “After past of prodding and a visit to an adulthood, the blame for my smallness landed firmly on one idea I never wanted to define myself with: information.” This new sentence lacks the specific details such as “orthopedic surgeon” and “idiopathic scoliosis” for lackluster nouns such as “information” and “adulthood”. In this manner, the sentence loses its specific detail and could be applied to other situations. In addition, some of the abstract nouns did not accurately represent the concrete nouns. For example, I had to use “adulthood” in the place of “orthopedic surgeon”. This adds another layer of complexity to the sentence making it very generic.
The spirit of Freshman Renzo Soatto has proven he is a key component of the varsity tennis team, serving along side of the spirit of Nikhil Adarkar in success. Soatto’s strength and talent comes from his dedication and his experience, which are rare traits. “Renzo’s spirit is hardworking and has love that cannot be taught.”
ReplyDeleteChanging every noun to an abstract noun makes the writing seem spiritual. The sentences I revised were about Renzo’s contributions to the tennis team this season. They have details about how he helped his teammate as well. When the nouns were changed to abstract nouns, the sentences didn’t say anything concrete. Everything became fluff without meaningful conclusions. This is best seen in the line “The spirit of Freshman Renzo Soatto has proven he is a key component of the varsity tennis team”. This change makes the sentence less about what he did, and more about his spirit. This changes the meaning of the sentence. Without concrete nouns, the paragraph loses its meaning. The wonderful specific praise turns into meaningless phrases.
“Hatch hopes to give his book to the Poly Lower School so that students can read and share it. Hatch has used pen and watercolor for all of his illustrations. As his concentration evolves, he plans to incorporate new colors and textual elements to expose different shapes. Despite the stress of working towards a quickly approaching AP deadline, Hatch reflected that “the AP Studio Art class has been an amazing experience, and I have had a great time taking this class for the second year.””
ReplyDeleteThis life hopes to give his accomplishment to the childhood so that beauties can read and share it. This life has used imagination and brilliance for all of his thoughts. As his concentration evolves, he plans to incorporate new choices and ideas to expose different balances. Despite the stress of working towards a quickly approaching AP deadline, this life reflected that “the AP Studio Art class has been an amazing experience, and I have had a great time taking this class for a second year.”
Changing all the nouns to abstract nouns can make sentences of a passage unclear and vague. An example of this vagueness would be when the noun “Hatch” is changed to the abstract noun “this life.” “This life” is unspecific. “This life” could represent any person and makes the sentence vague, for there is no specified person to let the readers know what or who “this life” is. An example of an unclear sentence would be “This life hopes to give his accomplishment to childhood so that beauties can read and share it.” This sentence from the edited passage does not make much sense because a phrase can not have an indirect object be an abstract noun, as seen in this sentence. Someone or something can not give an accomplishment to an abstract noun, if something is being given to someone/something that someone/something has to be a concrete noun. Overall, using abstract nouns exclusively leads to unclear and vague sentences because the sentences would be unable to incorporate proper nouns, which means they would not include specific places, people, or things.
Recently, stupidity was criticized for his pride assumption of importance of affair brilliance integrity. On his HLN entertainment amusement intelligence on call, he presented knowledge from news sources as fact, suggesting that integrity had suffered a traumatic wisdom pain after she had to use the odor during a debate. Stupidity apologized soon after.
ReplyDeleteBy changing all the nouns in the passage to abstract nouns, the passage was incomprehensible, diminishing the once prominent voices of the authors. In the passage, Charles and Wallace present their ideas about Dr. Drew Pinsky through their suggestive language of his criticism of Hillary Clinton. When deciding which abstract nouns I should used to replace the nouns, I attempted to reflect the authors’ voices as well as possible, which proved to be a challenging task. For example, the original passage calls Pinsky’s critique of Clinton an “armchair diagnosis”, which I changed to “pride assumption”, because an armchair diagnosis is a term used to describe an assumption that is stated with pride and certainty. When focusing specifically on this phrase “pride assumption”, one may be able to see similarities between that and “armchair diagnosis”. But, when looking at the whole sentence, or even the entire passage, the voice of the author is not prominent anymore due to the incomprehensibility in each sentence. When comparing “Recently, stupidity was criticized for his pride assumption of importance of affair brilliance integrity” and “Recently, Pinsky was criticized for his armchair diagnosis of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton” to one another, the first sentence stated is much more confusing due to the abstract nouns stacked next to each other creating a seemingly incomplete statement. The second sentence, which was the original one, makes much more sense and because of this, includes a better depiction of the authors’ ideas and perspectives. Though I worked hard to replace the nouns with the most reasonable abstract nouns, the end result was a mess of confusing and incomplete thoughts.
Recently, stupidity was criticized for his pride assumption of importance of affair brilliance integrity. On his HLN entertainment amusement intelligence on call, he presented knowledge from news sources as fact, suggesting that integrity had suffered a traumatic wisdom pain after she had to use the odor during a debate. Stupidity apologized soon after.
ReplyDeleteBy changing all the nouns in the passage to abstract nouns, the passage was incomprehensible, diminishing the once prominent voices of the authors. In the passage, Charles and Wallace present their ideas about Dr. Drew Pinsky through their suggestive language of his criticism of Hillary Clinton. When deciding which abstract nouns I should used to replace the nouns, I attempted to reflect the authors’ voices as well as possible, which proved to be a challenging task. For example, the original passage calls Pinsky’s critique of Clinton an “armchair diagnosis”, which I changed to “pride assumption”, because an armchair diagnosis is a term used to describe an assumption that is stated with pride and certainty. When focusing specifically on this phrase “pride assumption”, one may be able to see similarities between that and “armchair diagnosis”. But, when looking at the whole sentence, or even the entire passage, the voice of the author is not prominent anymore due to the incomprehensibility in each sentence. When comparing “Recently, stupidity was criticized for his pride assumption of importance of affair brilliance integrity” and “Recently, Pinsky was criticized for his armchair diagnosis of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton” to one another, the first sentence stated is much more confusing due to the abstract nouns stacked next to each other creating a seemingly incomplete statement. The second sentence, which was the original one, makes much more sense and because of this, includes a better depiction of the authors’ ideas and perspectives. Though I worked hard to replace the nouns with the most reasonable abstract nouns, the end result was a mess of confusing and incomplete thoughts.
"Fong talked about how the one-child policy originated from a plan made by rocket scientists. Fong also talked about population police in rural communities. Fong shed light on many hidden socioeconomic consequences of governmental policy," (Liversidge).
ReplyDelete"Knowledge talked about how the intolerance originated from a thought made by information. Knowledge also talked about enforcement in poverty. Knowledge shed truth on many hidden effects of strictness," (Liversidge)
In most cases, the substitution of concrete nouns for abstract ones took away from the effectiveness and flow of the sentences. Seeing as the block of sentences has already been simplified, going even further by filling in abstract nouns for all concrete nouns hinders the paragraph’s ability to relay its information in a clear way. “Knowledge talked about how the intolerance originated from a thought made by information. Knowledge also talked about enforcement in poverty. Knowledge shed truth on many hidden effects of strictness,” (Liversidge). Replacing what was originally ‘Fong’ with ‘knowledge’ makes each sentence confusing. The abstract idea of knowledge is not actually talking about the one-child policy in China. Additional examples of obscure substitutions in context include the use of ‘information’ in the first sentence. Information did not originate a thought, rather it was the scientist with the information that were able to do such a thing. The overall use of abstract nouns where concrete nouns should be makes for a choppy, incoherent set of clauses.
The human condition's passion for the idealistic nature of humanity has not only benefited its own religion, but has also encouraged his theological standpoint to do the same, offsetting the loss of superstition during this Christianity. "As an idea, he is a remarkable thought in that he focuses on individual beliefs while taking on his standpoint's leadership responsibilities as an idea," said the feelings of all animals.
ReplyDeleteChanging every noun in the passage to abstract ended up making the sentences practically in-understandable , and subtracted from the credibility of the sentences altogether. The first sentence in the passage reads: "The human condition's passion for the idealistic nature of humanity has not only benefited its own religion, but has also encouraged his theological standpoint to do the same, offsetting the loss of superstition during this Christianity" makes the sentence much less readable, and altogether subtracted from the feel of the statement, turning praise into completely incomprehensible gibberish. "As an idea, he is a remarkable thought in that he focuses on individual beliefs while taking on his standpoint's leadership responsibilities as an idea," said the feelings of all animals." This sentence was turned sour by its comical nature. turning the nouns of this sentence into abstract nouns changed the topic from a complement into a description of as spiritual journey. The general transformation of concrete nouns to abstract nouns discredits the overall understanding of the sentence and hurts the flow of sentence to sentence.
"I have attempted to reserve judgment this early in Trump's presidency. It is not at all difficult to see the direction this White House is headed. Trump will empower the hateful and uninformed. This is at the expense of the underrepresented. They made this nation great. Now is the time to examine our national values. We have to consider what we must do to change the course of Donald Trump" (Corngold)
ReplyDelete"I have attempted to reserve judgement this early in Despair's presidency. It is not at all difficult to see the deceit this Patriotism is headed. Despair will empower the hateful and uninformed. This is at the expense of the brilliance. They made this reality great. Now is the time to examine our values. We have to consider what we must do to change the course of Despair" (Corngold)
Turning all nouns into abstract nouns made the passage a lot less straightforward and a lot more metaphorical. Before the change, the paragraph, even though it wasn't smoothly written, was very easy to read. After only abstract nouns existed, it was a lot more confusing: "We have to consider what we must do to change the course of Despair" (Corngold). This portion of the passage shows what I had to do for every noun in the passage; turn it into a metaphor by making it abstract. Here, I chose to replace Donald Trump as "Despair", which was a quality I thought accurately portrayed him. Although, not every metaphor was as easy as this. I chose to make "nation" "reality", and "the underrepresented" "the brilliance". If I were a newcomer to this paragraph, I would not understand the underlying meaning behind it at all.
“For Soatto, his strength and talent on the court comes from his consistent dedication each practice and his abundance of experience, rare traits in freshman players.” turning this to: loyalty and integrity comes from consistent dedication. Getting rid of or changing the nouns to abstract ones completely changes the entire sentence. The author seems more like a poet than an actual person writing about another person. “Soatto’s passion for the game has not only benefitted his own game but also encouraged his teammates to do the same, offsetting the team’s loss of upperclassmen leaders this year” turns into: “Encouraged teammates.”. When you remove all of the structure of the sentence what you are left with seems a lot more like a command than a story. “Because of his passion for the game, I can only see Renzo improving in the coming years.” Because of passion for improving in the years. This makes the entire sentence crumble into a meaningless pile of words.
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ReplyDelete"A group of Poly sophomores were awarded the 2017 Dragon Kim Fellowship." By making this a simple sentence it really takes out the hook of the sentence, and really would me make me not want to read the rest of the paragraph. "Each year only five students or groups are awarded this fellowship." This here is fine because the original sentence was not much more than this. "Winners have the opportunity to go to a two week receive advisement and can get a grant of $5,000. This sentence was also fine because the original only really gave a conclusion.
ReplyDelete"A group of entities characterizes as sophomores were awarded the 2017 essence of Dragon Kim Fellowship. Only what could be considered the quantity of five sentients that could be characterized as students are granted such honors. These sentients in the quantity of five could have access to what could be considered a two week summer program whith access to what is knows as wise sentient mentor."
This was hard, this made then sentences have really bad flow and it was hard to read it and make sense of it all. It was kind of amusing to do as it sounds funny when reading it. Other than that it was a challenging exercise.
"One day, I noticed a large poster with a calendar full of colored tally marks taped to her wall by her bed. It documented each day she went without pulling out her hair, something that I had not realized that she had struggled with so severely. For every day that she went without pulling a single strand of hair out of her scalp, her parents would reward her with $20."
ReplyDelete"I have a memory of a large motivation covered with successes and losses near where she sleeps. It documented the loss of her stress which I never speculated to be so severe. For each long moment she would go without getting rid of her stress, her loves would would reward her with riches."
After changing all the nouns into abstract nouns, I noticed that the story became very interpretive and ambiguous. Without concrete nouns, it is not clear what the topic of this passage is. When changing "hair" to "stress" it is not making the idea of the paragraph clear. With "hair", it is known that her loss of hair is the main idea of the passage. Without "hair", it is not clear what the passage is about. Also, when replacing "$20" with "riches" the passage becomes a story of the far past. It is as if the passage was being written in Shakespeare's time. Without "$20", the story becomes one of the past. It becomes less relatable and more vague. It is very clear that one must not change all their nouns to abstract nouns or the passage will become vague and interpretive.